Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
