just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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