I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
