i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
