I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
