Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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