We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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