If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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