This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
