All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
