He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
