Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
