You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
