I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
