he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize