belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
