Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
