Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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