Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
