he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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