Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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