Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
