i permit you to call me
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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