Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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