It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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