12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
