Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
