I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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