Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
