I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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