Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
