I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I want to fling myself into the sun
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
