sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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