people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
