Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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