Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
