I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
