I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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