She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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