Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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