apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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