Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
