Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
