She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
