I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
