Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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