Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
