Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Who died my cat blue again?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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