Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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