why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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