i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
