Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
