And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
