peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
