summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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