why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
