so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
