So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
