very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize