Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
