the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
