alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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