Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
