You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
