Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
