Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
