I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I need to calm my uterus...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
