I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
