Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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