Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
