Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
