Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
