Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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